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Friday, literally.


Jani Eväkallio

Web Engineer

Futurice is an international company, our people working in four countries and six different cities, not to mention our brave futunauts working in our customers' offices, scattered all over the place like stars across the sky. We use a team chat tool Flowdock to be able to keep everyone in the loop regarding important daily communications, and occasionally - especially on Fridays - some less important ones.

Today was one of those days on the Frontend flow, where our web developers decided to get their #friday on and get quite literally a little literary.

Without further ado, I bring you some of the greatest opening lines of classic literature, and other inspirational pieces of writing, reimagined as banal, groan-worthy, or just generally lame programming tips.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Redux action in possession of a good payload must be in want of a reducer
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

All well-written programs are alike; each terrible program is terrible in its own way
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

It was a pleasure to delete.
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

In my younger and more arrogant years my team lead gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. Whenever you feel like criticising any one's code, he told me, just remember that all the developers in this world haven’t got a license to Microsoft Visual Studio Ultimate Edition's debugging extensions.
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Call me asynchronously.
― Herman Melville, Moby-Dick

All children, except one, are unmounted.
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

The greatest advances of civilization, whether in architecture or painting, in science and literature, in industry or agriculture, have never come from requirements specification.
― Milton Friedman, Capitalism and Freedom

Angular died today. Or maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure.
— Alber Camus, L'Étranger

If he coded with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't code as much in eighty years as I could in a day.
― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

And Lot’s wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those developers and their scripts had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned to a pillar of salt. So it goes. People aren’t supposed to touch legacy code. I’m certainly not going to do it anymore.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

The reports of Web Components' death are exaggerated"
― Mark Twain

But it's a poor fellow who can't deploy his code without asking other people's permission"
— Steppenwolf, Herman Hesse

Who is there here to say I'm not the rightful ruler on Arrakis? Must I prove it by leaving every Fremen tribe in the erg without its own CSS namespace?
— Frank Herbert, Dune

The test of the code is the satisfaction it gives you. There isn't any other test. If the code produces tranquility it's right. If it disturbs you it's wrong until either the code or your mind is changed.
― Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

The things I do for beautiful code
― George Martin, Game of Thrones

"Below the thunders of the upper deep,
Far far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The IT-Kraken sleepeth"
― Alfred Lord Tennyson

Four times fifty lines of code,
(And I heard nor sigh nor groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They got refactored one by one."
― Samel Taylor Coleridge

The truthy is out there.
― The X-Files

He was a young man who coded alone in a basement in Mountain View and he had gone eighty-four days now without talking to a human.
― Ernest Hemingway, Old Man And The Sea

Many years later, as he faced the steering committee, Engineer Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his manager took him to discover requirements
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude

I had the user story, bit by bit, from various stakeholders, and, as generally happens in such cases, each time it was a different story
― Edith Wharton, Ethan Frome

In the beginning, sometimes I left comments in the code.
― David Markson, Wittgenstein's Mistress

Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is Perl
― Charles R. Johnson, Middle Passage

Olen näet orja kuten tekin ja orjana olen syntynyt ja orjana kasvanut ja todistuksena tästä näette silmäni, jonka julma isäntä puhkaisi kirjoituspuikoillaan suuttuessaan minuun, kun olin juonut tyhjäksi hänen olutruukkunsa ja täyttänyt sen oman ruumiini vedellä ja kourallisella bash-skriptejä.
― Mika Waltari, Sinuhe Egyptiläinen (The Egyptian) - A Finnish classic!

It is not from the benevolence of the product owner, the project manager, or the development team, that we expect our maintainable and clean code base, but from their regard to their own interest.
― Adam Smith, The Wealth of Nations

All frontend frameworks are equal, but some frontend frameworks are more equal than others.
― George Orwell, Animal Farm

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (unmodified original!)

This service has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of its users were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 14:31

Don't cry because it's a bug, smile because you have the chance to fix it.
― Dr. Seuss

Three Rings for the Clojuren-kings under the sky,
Seven Playframeworks for the Scala-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine Nodes for Mortal Javascripts doomed to die,
One Yesod for the Dark Haskell on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Haskell to rule them all, One Haskell to find them,
One Haskell to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."
― J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

We write code not only to tell the computer what we think, but to tell ourselves what we think. Programming is a part of thought.
― Oliver Sacks, Seeing Voices

"A debugger! a debugger! my kingdom for a debugger!"
― William Shakespeare, King Richard III

As the greenfield project done with the hipster-tech-of-the-week awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic pile of legacy code.
― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

To the well-organized program, segfault is but the next great adventure.
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

There is only one thing in the world worse than using a brand new frontend framework, and that is not using a brand new frontend framework.
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

The man who does not program has no advantage over the man who cannot program.
― Mark Twain 14:39

By three methods we may learn programming: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
― Confucius

If you make a bug and do not correct it, this is called a feature.
― Confucius

Substitute undefined every time you're inclined to write this your editor will delete it and the program will be just as it should be.
― Mark Twain

A wise king scattereth the frontend frameworks of yesternight, and bringeth the wheel over them.
― The Bible: Proverbs 20:26, King James Version

What would Web be without JavaScript? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
― Mark Twain

We can't stdin here, this is .bat country.
― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Trying to define monad is like trying to bite your own teeth.
― Alan W. Watts

All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Developer, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in PHP. He piled upon the language's messy hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart’s shell upon it.
― Herman Melville, Moby Dick

The case against jQuery was open and shut. The only thing missing was something to charge him with.
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

I hate to advocate php, html, css, or javascript to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
― Hunter S. Thompson

Therefore, if anyone is into JavaScript, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
― 2 Corinthians 5:17

It compiles, therefore it works.
― René Descartes

Umm... I am literally speechless.

Have a good weekend, everybody, and #friday responsibly!

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